Diamonds in the Rough?

"Well we all have a face, That we hide away forever; And we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone." -from The Stranger by Billy Joel- Insightful and so telling, isn't it? What if we were able to show our true selves all the time, and feel good about it? All things not being equal, our actions are perceived differently by different people. Here's a story from 15 years ago that I've never forgotten. In this case, I felt I was being my true self, but  someone's mask blurred my view!

When I was training new hires, most of the time, people took my help and constructive criticism in the spirit with which it was intended. Every once in a while, though, someone took offense, usually someone with either  low self esteem or a poor work ethic. I think they felt that I was  "picking on them." Nothing could have been further from the truth. My goal was to keep my star performers motivated, and to take my underperformers to the next level. I wanted everyone to succeed.

One woman in particular, who I felt had great potential, sticks out in my mind to this day. Unbeknownst to me, she was a battered wife, living in a shelter, who had struggled to get to her initial interview with a new suit courtesy of  "Dress for Success." I had no pre-conceived notions about her, nor did I know her past history. All I knew was that she had been a stay at home mom, ready to re-enter the work force. I loved her friendly demeanor, her willingness to learn, and her desire to make the business the best it could be. So I hired her.

Several weeks later, at the end of a long day of training together, I took her for a cup of coffee and paid her a compliment. I told her that she was a diamond in the rough and that I was excited that we were making her shine! OH BOY did that come back to bite me in the behind. Here I was congratulating her on working really hard and doing so well... and the thanks I got was that she complained that I told her she was rough around the edges! OOPS.

The coaching lesson prompted by that little blooper was, "Love your underperformers because of their flaws, not in spite of them." Lesson learned: remember that you're not the only one wearing a mask, and that not everyone is as together as the mask they wear. Sometimes you get lucky. Other times, not so much. Learn and grow. Song lyrics may be great blog starters, but clichés in real life are dangerous territory.  Say what you mean or risk being misinterpreted. I felt absolutely horrible that my compliment had been taken completely the wrong way!

There are many career coaches, self help books, and other sources who talk about being your authentic self.  While we may take those lessons to heart ourselves, I think it's important to realize that not everyone is quite so capable. And I also learned to think before I speak in clichés.

It's what's on my mind today.